Take Me Away

There are countless days where I only want to go home. Deep within there is this yearning to be in heaven with God, and with Tyler. At times I am unsure whether I want to be with God or with Tyler more. Many days God seems to only be a means to get to heaven so that I can see Ty. I guess my faith is still struggling in many areas. God does grant me peace. And he does provide comfort in many ways… But I continue to struggle to trust him with my life, and with my family. I also struggle to know God again. With so many unanswered questions, some days it is challenging to choose to trust in spite of my uncertainties. Spending time with God and resting in his presence is a struggle. Tyler is at the forefront of my mind all the time, but in the stillness his absence is all the more evident and overwhelming. So, avoiding the silence and stillness is a way to at least evade the intensity of the loss. He is the only place I do find true rest. But getting to that place of rest is to a great extent more difficult than it used to be.

There are days where I want to keep on living and find inspiration in the way that Ty lived his life and hope to live my life in just such an amazing way. But there are also days where the lyrics of the Lifehouse song “Take Me Away” echo in my heart.

"This time all I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
This time you burn me with your eyes
You see past all the lies
You take it all away
I've seen it all and it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away

I try to make my way to you
But still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do
I've seen it all and it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away

Don't give up on me yet
Don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
But don't let me stay here alone

This time what I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
I've seen enough and it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away"


For years this was a song that I would listen to desiring to draw nearer to God and to remind myself to let go of earthly things and to cling to God alone. Now it has taken on a whole new meaning and is very bitter sweet to listen to. I do believe that this earth is not our home and that we should look forward to heaven. I used to have to strive to not allow this earth’s pleasures to consume me. Now I struggle with finding peace here on this earth rather than being completely consumed by the hope of heaven.