I have recently been reading a book called "Your Scars Are Beautiful to God" by Sharon Jaynes. It is an excellent book that I am enjoying reading. In fact, I decided to start a Bible study with a few girls from my small group so that we can study this book together. There was a quote that I read the other day that really stuck with me. "Their eyes were blinded by despair, and they didn't realize that hope was walking alongside them." In Luke 24 if shows this scene Peter and John walking down the road talking about the tragic events that had occurred, when another man appeared and began walking alongside them and asked them what they were talking about. They were shocked that he didn't already know, and they told him what about what happened. This man continues on with them and then goes to Peter and John's for dinner. As the man breaks bread Peter and John suddenly recognize that it is Jesus. I think often we are like that. We are traveling down our road of despair and forget that Jesus is walking right beside us if we will only take the time to recognize him, see him, and talk to him. I miss talking about Tyler. I think that it would be easier to listen to his CD if I talked about him more. I would not feel so much like there was this heaviness waiting to crash down on me if I were able to let a little grief out a little at a time, rather then feeling like I just hold it all in.
It was so good to talk to Mama this weekend on Mother's Day. We talked about Tyler and how much we miss him. And about how hard it still is that he is gone. I love you, Mama. I think that you are the most amazing woman that I have ever known. The strength that you have is incredible. I am so blessed to have you as my mom!
I know this post was a little random and discombobulated...but it was just what I was thinking about....
4 comments:
Sarah, I wrote a long comment and then it was erased. This is a touching and meaningful post. Love you. Mama
I'm so glad you wrote this, Sarah. So glad. I have a million things I want to say about all of it. The book sounds amazing. If you let Him, God will use your grief in ways you would never imagine. But first you must feel it. Talk about it. I, for one, will never tire of you pouring out your heart here. Or, just write it down somewhere. Get it out. I wonder if you might be thinking that if you let the grief out you'll be letting go of Tyler in some way. That is not true. You'll never let go of Tyler. He is a part of you but he is mostly a joy part - not wholly a grief part. I"m praying this week with your family will be a healing time for all of you. And you're right. Your mama is an amazingly strong woman. We're all blessed to have her in our lives. I haven't listened to Tyler's cd in a long time but I'm putting it on now. Thank you for this post, Sarah. Love you.
Every single time I think about trevors accident and how we almost lost him, I think about Tyler and how you guys are living in the grief that I was spared. I don't understand why things happen the way they do, but just wanted you to know I think about tyler often, about your family often, and that he is not forgotten, and I admire your strength.
Love your heart, Sarah....
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