Hosea is a book that I always seem to go back to when I am reading scripture. I think that it is because I seem to identify so well with it. God wants to be my provider, my comforter, my protector, my joy. However, I chase after what I want. I chase after what makes me comfortable. I chase after what makes me happy for that moment (or at least what I think will make me happy for that moment). I chase after what is easiest. Those are the things that I want. So often, I want those things more than I want what God wants for my life. I know that in desiring those things rather than what God wants, I am attempting to limit God's power in my life and in the end will be far less happy, content, and joyful. I know that what God wants for me and what God is taking me through, will in the end produce so much more joy and contentment in my life. And yet, like in Hosea, I continue to prostitute myself out to these earthly and fleshly desires, rather than trusting God to romance me and love me and provide for me.
"Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord until he comes and showers righteousness on you. But you have planted wickedness, you have reaped evil, you have eaten the fruit of deception. Because you have depended on your own strength and on your many warriors." ~Hosea 10-12-13
If only I would rely God's strength in my life every day. If only I would stop allowing the deceiver to convince me that I would be far more happy if life were easier. It is a daily struggle. It is not something that I foresee going away over night. But I do pray that the desires of my heart will begin to reflect what God desires for me. And that I will trust God more and know that this is what is best for me, even when it may not seem like it.
Struggles like this always make me miss Tyler so much. I wonder what he would say to me. I wonder what he would do. I wonder. But, I am also thankful that his battle is over. I am thankful that he is not having to deal with any pain or sorrow. I am thankful that he sheds no more tears. I am thankful that the struggles of this earth are so small in light of the glory of God. But. I still miss him. And I still wish I could get a big hug from him. And I wish that he was here to make me laugh.....even if it was at a joke that he had already told....
2 comments:
Oh Sarah, you are struggling. I know your pain and sorrow :( Like Hosea, we can relate to wanting something other than what God has given us and prostitute ourselves out to things other than God like Hosea's wife did. BUT, we can also relate to Hosea and try to emulate him...
God gave him an awful, wretched, unfaithful wife. He didn't want that, nor would he pick that path for his life. But God did and Hosea accepted it and lived it out gracefully. He was to be the living picture of how God loved His people, even though they were prostitutes. Hosea loved even though it hurt. He accepted his life's calling though it hurt. And God have him strength to do it and blessings from it. He will do the same with us and our unwanted lot, Sarah!!!
As for your dear brother, it IS a joy that he is at complete peace now with the Lord! God rescued him from this awful painful world and while it seems to be WAY too early to us, God has a plan. You WILL get that big hug from Tyler one day, Sarah! You will see him again and have eternity to do so! This brief life will seem like a blip in comparison. But for the time being, while we are in this blip, it does hurt and we do have pain. One day we will not!
LOVE YOU!
Sarah , I always read your blog... I just usually cannot remember how to log in to blogger. Since I figured it out so Cori could post her Christmas list I thought I would just tell you how much I like your blog and that you share your heart here.
Mama
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