Suppressing it All

I think that I have spent a lot of time avoiding thinking about Tyler lately. I have his CD in my car (in my 6 disk changer), and every time that it comes up to be played I skip it. I don't take it out of the CD player though. For some reason it has just been too painful to listen to. There is the welling within me that wants to just lay in my bed and listen to it and cry. But I think part of me fears doing that. I fear that I will fall into grief. I fear that I will not want to get out of bed. I fear that the feelings of just after his death are looming just below the surface, and I just want to suppress them so that they do not overwhelm or consume me.

I have recently been reading a book called "Your Scars Are Beautiful to God" by Sharon Jaynes. It is an excellent book that I am enjoying reading. In fact, I decided to start a Bible study with a few girls from my small group so that we can study this book together. There was a quote that I read the other day that really stuck with me. "Their eyes were blinded by despair, and they didn't realize that hope was walking alongside them." In Luke 24 if shows this scene Peter and John walking down the road talking about the tragic events that had occurred, when another man appeared and began walking alongside them and asked them what they were talking about. They were shocked that he didn't already know, and they told him what about what happened. This man continues on with them and then goes to Peter and John's for dinner. As the man breaks bread Peter and John suddenly recognize that it is Jesus. I think often we are like that. We are traveling down our road of despair and forget that Jesus is walking right beside us if we will only take the time to recognize him, see him, and talk to him. I miss talking about Tyler. I think that it would be easier to listen to his CD if I talked about him more. I would not feel so much like there was this heaviness waiting to crash down on me if I were able to let a little grief out a little at a time, rather then feeling like I just hold it all in.

It was so good to talk to Mama this weekend on Mother's Day. We talked about Tyler and how much we miss him. And about how hard it still is that he is gone. I love you, Mama. I think that you are the most amazing woman that I have ever known. The strength that you have is incredible. I am so blessed to have you as my mom!

I know this post was a little random and discombobulated...but it was just what I was thinking about....

Shooting Range

Matt and Devin decided to take Sarah and I to the shooting range. They want their wives to know how to shoot a gun and are both hoping that Sarah and I will go hunting with them some this summer! We'll see about that. I would like to go, but I will have to get significantly more comfortable shooting a gun before I'll be ready for hunting! But here are a few pictures of the day.

Devin and Sarah loading the 22.

Me shooting the 22. Last time we went to the range I attempted to shoot the 12 guage and it had a little too much kick for me. This was much more my type!

Matt and Devin trying to get Matt's rifle all sited and ready to hunt some bear and moose.

Yep, me and all the guys at the shooting range.

My husband.

Sarah doing an excellent job!

Anna Maternity Pictures

Yesterday I had the great honor of taking my friend Anna's maternity pictures. I had decided that I wanted to get some practice taking pictures and she graciously agreed to let me take her (and Jenna's) pictures. Anna is very creative and came up with most of the adorable poses. We had fun taking the pictures and I think we were both very pleased with how they turned out!

Staff Sergeant Matthew Cornett

Matthew completed his Airman Leadership School (ALS). They had a graduation ceremony yesterday morning and then last night they had a steak dinner and celebration for the graduates as well. I told everyone back in August or September sometime that Matt had been promoted, well he had to complete this class first. So, he just finished the 6 week class and now he is officially Staff Sgt!

Matthew receiving his diploma from Col. Bergeson.

Then that evening we got all dressed up for the dinner and ceremony. We were downtown so afterwards we went over to the ice sculptures to take some pictures. It has been so warm here (34-40 degrees) that the ice sculptures have already started to melt some!

Congratulations, Matt! I love you!

A Few of My Adorable Nephews!

This last weekend I got to go to Dallas, Tx. Matthew didn't get to go because he had to work. :(

It was soo good to get to see my family again so soon. Over the last two years I had not gotten to watch any of Ben and Shelley's basketball games...so I was desperate to get to watch them play! So, I flew into Dallas and got to watch two of each of their games. Below are just a few of the pictures that I took. For now I am focusing on my nephews. I'll try to post more pics of the rest of the trip later!

Colton Henry. Handsome little man. I can already tell he is going to be a heart breaker!

Colton wanting to be a big boy!

Papa, Levi and Will. Those boys are growing up soo fast! I was so thankful to get to spend a little time with them so that they don't forget who their Aunt Jo Jo is! :)

Levi. What a cutie he is. That smile will melt any heart.

Sweet Will Cotton. With that little mischievous look in his eyes! He is so smart!

Ice Sculptures and Such

Yes. That is an ice sculpture of the Grinch going down a chimney! This sculpture is in down town anchorage along with many other ones. They sculpt them in early December (I believe) and they usually down melt until about mid March. Crazy! They have a little ice skating rink and all around the rink are ice sculptures. On Friday night Devin, Sarah, Matthew and I went to eat at Moose's Tooth and then went down town to see all the sculptures. It was really cold, so we didn't stay long, but it was fun to see them!

Matthew and I freeeeezing!

Matthew on the ice skating rink without any skates.

Devin and Sarah.

Them again. :)

Us.

And then below are some new winter pictures of the great outdoors here in Alaska. It is such a majestic place!

Sample Wedding Part 3 of 3

The wedding. It was gorgeous. The weather was perfect. The sun was setting as they were saying "I do", which made for an amazing backdrop. The wedding wasn't stressful or hurried. It was relaxing and so much fun.

Papa walking Heather down the aisle.

The rings.

The flowers. They were bought fresh straight from the market the morning of the wedding!

"You may kiss the bride"

The view. This is overlooking Lake Atitlan.

Mr. and Mrs. Chris Sample!

Mama and Papa at the reception. Wow, haven't they aged well?

Whitney, Ben, Gini, Zachary, Landon, Luke, Shelley and Cori.

The cool guys.

Father-Daughter dance.

Chris and Heather just after the wedding.

Heather and me.

Landon, Ben, Zach, Luke and Matthew. Apparently Landon thought everyone was supposed to be making the "cool guy" face.

Gini, Landon, Shelley, Cori...man, do I ever have handsome/gorgeous siblings!

Kristin, Cori, Jackie Beth, Gini, and Shelley just before the wedding.

All the bridesmaids shoes.

Cori Layne. Growing up way to fast!

Whitney, Shelley, and Cori.

Luke, Heather and Shannon.

Matthew, me, Heather and Jackie Beth.

Gini and Ben on the dance floor.

Heather and Chris cutting the cake that came all the way from Texas! Mama and Cori carried it on the airplane and brought it safely to Guatemala for the wedding.

Colton needed a little nap. It was so precious how his little hand was holding on to Terah's necklace!

Heather and Colton.

It was a beautiful vacation, a beautiful wedding and great time with friends and family. We are so blessed to have Chris in our family!