God is about God

I was listening to a podcast a couple of weeks ago. The podcast was all about that fact that I am not the point in this universe. I have to remember that God is the point. God is about God. God has redeemed me which frees me up be about God.When I am the point, I am easily angered and bothered by others and get frustrated when things don't go my way. When I pretend to be stronger than I am, I am giving Satan a foothold that he will take advantage of. I want you to know that I am weak. That I am not doing this. I am not the one that is supplying the joy and am not the one that helps me to keep on hoping....but that it is only God working in me. The entire purpose of me being here on this earth is for the glory of God. And if His glory is made complete by my suffering, than I will find joy in suffering. In a previous post I was talking about God granting me "the desires of my heart"....well, although Matthew and I do long to have children....more than that, we long to be made more like Christ and we long to bring glory to God. My prayer is that God will use me for his glory by giving me a joy and a hope that is seen in me by those around me. And, that He will continue to reveal more of himself to me that I might rejoice in the fact that he is enough for me even in these trials. I was created for HIS glory. So, although I falter every day and although I want to cry out in anger many days.....I am reminded:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted....Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." ~Matthew 5:3-6

"...whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made" -Isaiah 43:7

Landon, Whitney and Peyton Jo

Landon, Whitney and Peyton came to visit for 8 days! We had such a great time with them. We are so blessed that so many of our family members have been able to come up to visit us (and some of them even twice) since we've lived here. I absolutely loved getting to be Peyton's only aunt around (so that I could monopolize all her time), and it is always so wonderful to hang out with Landon and Whitney. Since Matthew and I moved up here the day after we got married, it is always fun to hang out with family and get to know each other better as couples.

Like the title of the blog...Finding Hope...

After miscarrying baby #2 things seem so odd. I don't know how to remain hopeful and trust that God will answer our prayers and provide the desires of our heart, and still remain realistic and realize that it may not be in God's plan for Matthew and I to have our own children. How do I remain hopeful, but not wear myself out with hope and then heartbreak over and over again? I do not know that answer to this question right now. All I know is that right now I have to keep on hoping even though there is a huge part of me that is fearful. I know that fear in not of God, and I pray that God will help me to trust Him and to know that he will provide all that I need even if he does not provide a healthy pregnancy for Matthew and me.

Here is the adorable little hat that Mama bought  for little baby Cornett (before we miscarried of course):

Thank you, Mama! 
We absolutely love it and cannot wait for a little Cornett to wear it one day!

"I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name. Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom...I will meditate on your wonderful works. They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds....the Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made...the Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love him....my mouth will speak in praise of the Lord. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever." -Psalm 145

8 Flowers for 8 Days

My thoughtful husband. It is crazy how each time he is gone it is different. Sometimes the short little stints when he is gone are harder then the deployments. Especially if they are unexpected. So, Monday before last Matt came home from work and told me that he was leaving the next morning and that he would be gone until July. Him being gone this time was really tough for the first few days because I had NO time to mentally and emotionally prepare for it. I have decided that I highly dislike him being gone. I dislike it no matter how long it is for. But, when I don't have time to prepare, it can make it harder. So, my very sweet husband knew that I was missing him like crazy. When I arrived home from running around and photo shoots yesterday, I found these lovely things (along with a large box of chocolates) on my doorstep. He gave be eight roses for the eight more days that it would be until he came home. I love this guy. He knows exactly what to do to make me smile. AND, he is a Godly leader, a patient husband and my best friend. I am so thankful that God chose me to be his wife.

Off Road Camping Trip

One weekend while Stetson and Katy were here we went off roading and camped overnight out on the trail. It was so a blast! Here is Matt and my tent where we camped.

 Averi trying to steal Matt's coffee.

 Devin and Sarah borrowed a 4-wheeler from some friends of Brian and Amanda's since Devin's jeep in not finished yet, and we all took turns riding it.

 On the trail.

 We had amazing 360 views the whole way!

 Ryan got a little bit stuck in the mud. But, as you can see, no one was upset about it....because after all, that is the reason the guys go out....to get stuck and pull each other out of the mud!

We are so blessed to live here. We have some amazing friends from our small group at church. We do miss our families terribly and we look forward to moving back to the lower 48 and getting to be involved in our families lives on a more regular basis. But for now, God has blessed us richly where we are.

Camping/Fishing/Hiking - Stetson and Katy

The first day they were here we hiked Mt. Badly. I would guess that I have made that hike between 25-30 times since I have lived in Alaska. It is such a great hike because it is only about a 10-15 minute drive from my house and the hike only takes about 1-1 1/2 to finish. Plus, the view from the top is incredible!!

We then drove down south to the Kenai River and went fishing and camping. Although. We did not catch a single fish! We didn't even get any bites. We didn't even see anyone else catch any fish. It was quite ridiculous! But, we had fun anyway :)

I don't have any pictures of me and Matt...they were on Sarah's camera...but I'll try to get them from her sometime and post them :)

Hiking and Boating in Mat